Not an April Fool’s Joke

Hey there, old friend. It’s been quite a while.

How have you all been lately? It’s been a whole year (and then some months) since I last established contact from this space. I’ve not been very good at this social media thing lately (which is highkey ironic, since I’ve been working with social media for close to two years now).

Since then, I’ve had plenty of remarkable life events:

  • Registering for an exam that I ultimately decided not to take. Today, I passed the requirements to finally take the exam this year. This time, I’m not throwing away my shot.

  • The most awesome opportunity to attend three concerts of three different groups that I love. It’s been a wild ride, having finally accepted that I can be a KPop fan and not feeling like I betrayed my JPop-loving origins. It’s been pretty mind-boggling to be honest, since I only started listening to KPop as someone more than a casual fan on 2017. A month before I started working full-time again, I was slowly getting into EXO. Their songs comforted me through one of the darkest doubt-filled moments of my existence. EXO’s music continues to be an inspiration to me today. I discovered new groups and songs, revisited groups I’ve loved in the past, made new friends, and reconnected with old friends with a new common interest. All in all, a pretty epic adventure.

  • Meeting with friends! I’m not the best at socialization, but it’s been nice to physically talk to people and kind of forget the existence of phones. I love how technology has made it easier to connect to people, but sometimes I just want to delete Facebook, you know? I especially love being able to help out at Seishun Kakumei’s booth during events! (I’m always at my peak extrovert during these times, even if I always feel the need to recharge for 3-5 business days afterwards.)
  • I’ve gotten better at documenting my days, on realizing what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling a certain way. Yay for self-awareness? Definitely still working on addressing these realizations, though. I’ve written pages about my frustrations, my tiny victories. The constant fear brought by the impostor syndrome clawing at my throat. The glow left from the aftermath of art that really makes you feel something.
  • The sad realization that I have written so much, but it has been two years since I last wrote for myself. Like a poem or a short story or something. It’s an occupational hazard, trying to churn out great idea after great idea. To getting the words work well together. I haven’t been very good at getting a sense of what people want. Probably, because I’ve lost a sense of what I want.
  • Finding the time to reconnect the fragments of myself that I’ve somehow lost along the way. Writing out this blogpost and finally clicking the Publish button, for example. Getting back to studying something I love. Learning new skills for work, and for myself. Getting back on my Instagram game. Reviving my love for collage and journaling and writing and documenting the process (check out this IG account I made for it). Knowing that it’s important to make a good impression, a good impact. Acknowledging that constructive criticism is needed for improvement, and not hinging my self-worth entirely on other people. Accepting that I can’t be good at everything, but I sure as heck will try to be good enough for myself.

So, here’s another attempt. A regroup. A comeback (to the young and beautiful you—okay I’ll stop.) No promises, but I’ll be trying my best.

Here’s to finding out and living out my truths.

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