How does one write again?
Words. Words are a good start.
Posted my first entry on this blog two years ago! I did say I will be trying to update more frequently. Four months is definitely more frequent than fourteen months, so. Small wins!
It’s been 4 months since I last updated? Realized that a lot has happened, now that I’m sitting down and writing about it. Summaries are hard, especially when your special skill is rambling through your keyboard keys.
Went to Singapore during Holy Week to visit my dad and my sister. Also met up with friends that I’ve known for a decade now! Amazing how the internet can connect people in so many ways. It was also this baby’s first time flying solo! The baby being me. To say that I was nervous is an understatement I will flesh out somewhere else.
I’ll write more about the trip in detail! I tried making a vlog but I was too immersed in ~*living in the moment*~ that I kept forgetting to film things, but I’ll show my travel journal entries in separate blog posts maybe! Stay tuned for that 🙂
Celebrated my birthday this May. Enter quarter-life crisis stage left lol. My birthday week was the same as last year: went to work, worked overtime on my birthday (this year not as much thankfully), and went to sleep. Celebrated my birthday alone because my mom was on a trip… somewhere. Didn’t really go out that week, didn’t really celebrate either. We got pizza during Mother’s Day weekend, so there’s that!
I haven’t really had time to contemplate the complexity of it all, of the in-between of child and adult. But for now, we’ll continue working hard. Looking forward to all the growing up I’ll be doing. And as Kim Jongdae’s song goes, “Maybe spring will come to me as well.”
In the past four months, I’ve been in three job positions and two departments at work. Looking at these numbers now as I type them out feels… weird. It’s a lot of things.
The first half of the year felt both too fast and too slow. Like I’m hovering between dreaming and existing. As a Taurus who craves stability, it’s been a pretty rough ride (Alexa, play Roller coaster by EXO-SC).
It made me think about a lot of things. About how I viewed myself, and my relationship with writing in general. Still figuring things out, but we’re getting there. Yay, me!
Finally got to take the JLPT this year! If you’ve read my previous blog post, I mentioned about deciding not to take an exam I’ve already registered for. I was referring to the JLPT, an exam that is held twice in the Philippines every year. That’s a hefty registration fee that I won’t be getting back, but I really wasn’t in a good mental and emotional place back in December. I’ve been squeezing in study time whenever I could for the past six months, but work (and work… and work…) and life happened, so there’s that.
I’m not gonna lie though, this is the most unprepared I have been for JLPT. The week leading to the July JLPT exam has been really hard on me, too. Two days before the exam, I was still considering if I should just skip the whole thing again. But your girl wanted to prove something to herself, so she went and took the exam anyway.
Met up with Chai at the Coffee Project branch at Taft, after we both took 4 hours of Japanese proficiency exams. Thankfully she understands my state of stuttered words and unfinished thoughts. Yay #IntrovertClub ! It felt weird processing words in English and Filipino after that, since my test proctor also talked in Japanese while administering the exam. My brain felt like mush lol. Waiting for the results to be released sometime late August or early September! Hoping for the best!
Been writing a lot in my journals as well! Yes, plural. I’m keeping a daily planner-slash-diary that outlines what happens in a day of my life. There’s also a journal that’s a catch basin of days where words spill over the spaces of my planner. I’ve been trying to pin all the words down as fast as I can, and there’s a lot of them. My previous job position required me to write close to 2,000 words every day, and it’s surprising to see how much words I have left.
I haven’t really done anything artsy yet this year. My journals get the occasional sticker and washi tape, but I haven’t deliberately made anything. In the meantime, I’ve been… hoarding supplies. Now I find myself incorporating tiny collages into my notebooks. It’s nice, tinkering around with bits of paper and scissors and glue again.
I have more free time now that I’m not cramming for exams or running after deadlines all the time! Maybe I’ll finally get to update my art Instagram with… stuff. Write more about things I enjoy! Drama series I finished, (food) documentaries I’ve watched, the odd movie here and there. Also I gotta talk about the wealth of July music releases that I personally enjoyed, but those all belong in their own posts. Because if anything, I’ve learned that content calendars are Very Helpful.
So. In summary:
July was pretty bleak in my personal grand scale of 2019. These past four months have been choppy waters, a ship with no steering wheel, and a compass that does not know the direction of its True North. Writing has been hard, but I looked back on my many notebooks and Post-it notes to myself and find some good stuff in there as well. I had to constantly remind myself that bad days can happen as much as the good days. That not everything will go your way. And that’s fine. We’ll learn to pick up the pieces as we go.
I’ve been trying to find a way to sum this all up, but it feels more like a prologue of… something. I don’t know what it is yet, but hey. Let’s find out together.